Why I Forgave my Abusive Ex Boyfriend.
Posted on October 01 2015
“On the first page of our story the future seemed so bright, then this thing turned out so evil I don’t know why I’m still surprised. Even angels have their wicked schemes and you take that to new extremes but you’ll always be my hero even though you’ve lost your mind.” -love the way you lie pt.2
As many of my friends and family know when I was 14 I was in a both physical and emotional abusive relationship with a boyfriend. But please don’t give me any pity or say “bless your heart”. I’ve become a much stronger person from my past. Let me explain.
I knew my abuser because his family was close to mine. We knew each other for years and I thought he was the cutest guy ever. He had flawless olive skin and the “Justin Bieber” hair style and he always made me laugh until my stomach hurt. We hit it off really when his family moved to Auburn and he started to attend my high school. Everyone loved him because he had a very addictive personality and you always wanted to be around him. So FINALLY we were able to start dating instead of saying “well you live an hour away, it would never work.” The first few months were like every other kind of relationship, saying mushy gushy things and laughing and only wanting to spend time with each other. Then one night things got a little strange and I knew it too but I was so “in love” with this guy I just decided to brushed it off.
The night after our high school played their first basketball game of the season (of course he was on the varsity team) he called me and told me he wanted to break up. I was shocked, broken-hearted and thought my whole life was over. (Man do I wish that night I would have just let him go) He told me how I was out of his league and that he didn’t deserve someone like me in his life. He said he was always worried someone better would come along and he’d get hurt. So I promised him that I’d delete all the guys numbers in my phone to prove to him that he was he only one for me. (Stupid thing Taylor did #1) He agreed to my promise and we were back together.
Over the next couple of months things started to get worse. I was never allowed to eat without him. I had to sit with his grade during all eating periods at school and was only allowed to eat what he got me. If I didn’t do what he wanted it would start a fight and by month 4 I was so tired of fighting with him that I just agreed. (Stupid thing Taylor does #2) I always had to ask permission for what I wanted to wear to class. That meant no shorts, V-necks, tight clothes, or anything green. (Because that was my ex boyfriends favorite color). I agreed because he would accuse me of being a slut or a whore or that I wanted guys to get the wrong impression of me if I wore those things. I never hated my body or my looks before but he convinced me to think otherwise. I started to feel really down and hating myself. But I loved the attention he gave me. He would tell me it was because he didn’t want anyone thinking they could have me. Which back then I thought was so sweet.
Another big thing was my girl friends. They could always tell how uncomfortable and scared I was when I’d try to talk to them without my boyfriend being around. He would always tell me how they weren’t really true friends and that he didn’t approve of them. They weren’t crazy about him either. Not even my best friend I’d known since I was 10. She knew the awful things happening with us because I told her everything about my boyfriends. She’d call him out on things in front of everyone and he always wanted me to take his side even when he was wrong. He thought she’d try to convince me to leave him and that scared him. So when he’d see me talking to her he’d pinch my forearm behind close doors. He’d take me behind the lockers or during class in the hall way when no one was around and do it. Sometimes it was a bite to my arm but most the time I was pinched until my skin turned blue. I’d go to class with whelps on my body and make excuses for him. Saying it was my fault and that I shouldn’t have given him a reason to do it. He would tell me he was sorry and that it was just for me to learn. I was punished often for stupid things like that. Of course I hid everything from my parents. (Stupid thing Taylor does #3)
He hated the fact that my phone couldn’t just call him. He wanted me isolated from everyone. Friends, family, school, everything and everyone but him. I had a brand new touch screen phone and after every class he’d make me give it to him so he could check my messages to make sure there were none from any guys or girls. When he saw something he didn’t like on my phone he’d smash it and then grab my fingers and squeeze them together until they would almost break.. I went though 4 phones in a matter of 4 months and had to resort to an old flip phone. Again I felt like it was my fault for what I’d done to make him upset.
Things got much much worse when we were at his house for his parents company party. My family had decided not to go because they had company come over and did not want to be rude. At the party everything seemed perfect. We didn’t fight, we laughed and loved all day and he seemed like his old self. Which I enjoyed because he’d compliment me and do little things for me. When we got back inside from a long day on the lake I had received a message from my ex boyfriend, whom I hadn’t talked to in a year, saying he was sorry for everything that he’d done in the past. When He saw the message he asked me who it was. When I sat him down and told him he grabbed my arms and threw me against his dresser has hard as he could, the mirror on top of the dresser came down on me. He snapped my phone in half (phone number 5) and He yelled at me saying I was a slut and I was going to hell for what I had done in the past. I yelled back trying to explain that I had nothing to do with that text. He didn’t care though. He took a pair of scissors and placed them to my neck threatening me to say another word. Scared for my life I pushed him away as hard as I could and the result of that was A big punch to the face. That was the first of many times I was punched in the face or head. I laid on the floor of his bathroom bloody, shocked, and in tears. He walked out of the room and I called my mom to come get me. I told him it was over and I told myself I’d never put myself in that situation again. I got in the car and my mother knew exactly what had happen. I could see the tears and hate in her eyes but I had to explain to her that she’d make the situation even worse for me if she tried to intervene. Of course the next day he called me and explained to me why he had done what he did and that he just loved me so much that it scared him and he reacted the wrong way. “He was sorry” and stupid me took him back…again. (stupid thing Taylor does #4)
The next couple months was hell on earth. The relationship finally ended when my dad told him not to come over to the house because we were having a family day and he didn’t listen nor liked the fact that he wasn’t apart of it. He pulled up and told me to come outside. I opened the door and there he stood with flowers, his way of apologizing. (I had tons of flowers given to me that entire relationship) My dad came flying in yelling at me but once I told him that I didn’t invite him dad took matters into his own hands. Dad told him to never talk to me again and to leave me alone before he came after him. He yelled back saying he wasn’t done with me yet. I was confused what he meant by that. That night he called me and asked me a question that still scares me to this day. “What would you do if I killed your parents? We could be together then!”
The next month after we broke up I was stalked, harassed, and threatened by him. I was called at least 200 times a day and received 400 messages an hour. He would follow my cousins car after school everyday (my cousin drove me home from school all the time), he would show up at places I never thought I’d see him and I was frightened when I got a picture message sent to me of my name all bloody carved into his entire forearm..remember I’m only 14 at the time. He called my mom and told tell her that he’d but a bullet thru my head if I didn’t get to school and he even tried to run us both over with his truck one day in the parking lot. We eventually had to call the police and his family and then the nightmare was over.
His family took him to a military school. He escaped and was later taken to jail. Eventually he was put into suicide watch at the hospital after his recent girlfriend cheated on him. I haven’t seen him since we’ve dated and I don’t want to.
But why did I forgive such a monster who basically took my teenage years from me? Simple. I became a stronger woman from it all. I’ve learned how to deal with current relationships and I can see the signs of when one is getting out of hand. I can tell the difference between a man and a coward and I know what kind of man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I’ve also help many young girls and women get out of an abusive relationship in a safe manner and how to cope with the aftermath of it all. Because the hardest part of being in an abusive relationship is dealing with the after. You’re scared you’ll be alone and that no one will understand what you have gone thru. Yes I’m a little messed up from all the craziness that went on back then. I react to certain things that people do because that’s how I reacted when he did it. Example: when someone asks to use my phone I get anxious because when he would ask for it I was scared he’d see something he didn’t like and I’d be punished. I still have nightmares about him and thoughts still go through my mind about what if I ever saw him again. Would I get mad and want him to feel the pain I felt or would I be scared and run away? Would he try to hurt me or would he just look the other way? God tells us to forgive everyone. And that what’s I’m doing. I’m forgiving him for what he did to me but at the same time I’ll never forget.
*I did not mention many other stories about my relationship because they are too graphic and I hate to think about them. These are just a few times of how I was abused. Also if you know the guy please don’t mention his name anywhere on my blog!*
If you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship please seek help from an adult or contact me!
“Love is respect and everyone deserves a healthy relationship”
•October is national Domestic Violance Awearness month and one way you can help the men and women going through this tragic experience is to #PutTheNailInIt ! Paint your left ring finger purple to spread the word and donate to Safe Harizons campaign! Read more about it here #PutTheNailInIt•